I need you to know this about you and me

On nights like this. If I am still beside you in the bed when the morning comes. If I am not running away to catch an interstate bus to the coast, or a flight to the mountains, without a plan to be back ever again. If there was a time when you didn't know that the earth beneath me was shaking, even if I smiled at you and promised you that we are going to celebrate Dussera in the best way possible - together. If I waited for you to go to sleep before I ran away into the next room to sob like someone died. Well, at least something died inside. Later, as I grow old, If I am still with you as you go to college and prepare for a life without my nuisance. If we live through nights like this to reach there. And If I am enduring all this without you ever knowing I could have simply said no. 

If I am doing all of this even when I didn't need to. Then know that it was just because I love you too much to care about what I have to endure. The suffering doesn't matter in front of my love for you. It is not for the sake of duty. It is not for the norms of the society and definitely not for anyone else. God knows no one is entitled to ask me to do this, and that includes you.

All I do is because of the love I have. For you. It is just you and me. I do everything I do and I'd do a lot more if required, because I love you. 

You deserve all the happiness that you get and my misfortunes and blunders cannot be the reason your childhood is imperfect even in a smallest way. At least, I wish that for you. And I wish to do everything I can to make it so. Even if it means killing myself inside. Or for that matter, smiling at you as if nothings broken at all.