You know you will be punished if you keep creating a ruckus and crying for every small inconvenience. You know it disturbs my mood and I won't play with you. You know you will miss out on going out or some other fun. Most importantly, you know I don't like that behavior. Very clearly.
Yet you keep crying every time I tell you to keep your current shirt on or to wear one of the other jeans. Over some toy or another silly thing. Even when what you want is clearly not available or convenient. Even when you know the consequences of making drama is always worse off and painful.
Today was the third day this has been going on since I came back from the tour. Every day I am putting you in isolation at least three times for 5 to 10 minutes. Repeating the same thing everytime. Explaining WHY your behavior is not acceptable and what to do or not to do. Everytime. Consistently. Morning and evening and night for three days.
Twice today since the morning. Yet you cried over a shirt. Without even listening to what I had to say. Even when you knew that we were running late for the dance class. Even when I had agreed to your jeans.
I have had enough. I slapped you on the cheeks and warned you thrice. You didn't bother behaving. Kept crying snd creating nuisance. So I pushed you into the washroom as usual. But I knew that you were taking this for granted as well. There needed to be more consequence. This is not business as usual.
So. I opened the door, gave you a water bottle and closed the bedroom washroom door on the first floor again. I told your mom to not open the door for an hour and went to my office. I didn't have the energy to stay home anymore.
I get a call in thirty minutes. My mom, your grandma, has come and opened the door and took you down to the main hall in the ground floor.
She told me later that what she saw when she opened the bathroom door scared her. You were sweating all over. Wet from tears and sweat. You didn't even have a voice to cry properly by then. You complained to her of pains all over your head and jaws later, from all the crying. She really was scared that you were ill. I heard this after coming back home later in the night.
Luckily, you are totally fine and I have repeated all my lectures on why you should not behave like that and what you should do instead, complete with consequences of misbehaving again. Made you repeat after me three times.
Then I played some games with you for an hour, laughing and joyful. And put you to sleep, after giving you the medicine for cold and fever.
So here I learn my lesson. Sorry, I will never be so harsh again. I was in the heat of the moment, intent on ensuring that you realize your mistake. Intent on making you see the consequences of misbehaving and disturbing all driven by minor inconveniences.
But I didn't realize that you are still so small. So naive and innocent that consequences are not getting into your head as a concept yet. You are hardly 5. Kids are supposed to be hard to deal with I guess. You often behave so smart and mature for your age that I probably take it for granted, expecting you to understand stuff that you simply do not have the age to understand. So the fault is mine.
More seriously, I didn't consider that you may injure yourself or become sick due to the stress or the conjested washroom.
Luckily, it is a minor thing now. We all move on, onto another day.
I will be a lot more considerate going forward in dealing with your behavior, as well as my anger. Both need changing. A lot. But there is a a need for a good dose of compassion from my side.
I have learnt my lesson. Hopefully, you will come around too.
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